I’m Scared To Death

By Amy Leon
Amy Leon

Just back from Cuba. I am well rested and full of anxiety!

On Monday, I am starting a new position. I will be the Manager of my group. To say I’m not scared would be a big fat lie. I’m scared to death. 

It’s not that I will be working with a whole new group of people. I’m not. It’s the fact that I will be managing my former colleagues. I will be responsible for making decisions regarding my group and it’s direction.

I know I’m capable. I know I can do this job. I deserve it. But that big self doubt monster looms over me like a raging thunderstorm. I fight with it every day, but even more so now. 

A big thing I struggle with is my confidence. I always think I am not good enough and that struggle will drain me some days. My depression likes to yell obscenities at me and turn me into a big pile of goo.

So, every day when I get up, I have to remind myself that I’m a capable human being. It’s part of why running is important to my well being. It reminds me of what I can accomplish, what I’m capable of.

Keeping myself focused and moving forward is my daily goal right now.

And yes, I will go back and re-read my own posts to remind myself that I can get out of my own way.

On my darkest days, I need these reminders.