Dialing Into My Brain

By Amy Leon
Amy Leon

Today, I had planned to wake up early and get to the gym. There was a spin class I wanted to go to and then do a 30 minute strength training sesh.

I must have turned my alarm off in my sleep.

I slept in.

Then my brain went into overdrive.

It was a little stormy out. I checked the bus times.

An hour until the bus came. That would set me back even more.

(Not really, because the gym is open ALL DAY. Also, it would have given me time to get ready.)

I had to do a workout right then and there, because I slept in and already wasted time.

(I probably needed the sleep, to be honest.)

So I grabbed my bosu ball and my weights, and headed downstairs.

(My bosu ball needed some air, and I couldn’t find the pump. More chaos ensued.)

It was after this workout that I took a moment to pause (before my yoga sesh), and finally dialed into my brain.

I could have calmly waited and got myself ready for the gym.

What was I afraid of?

(Starting as a newbie….again.)

Why didn’t I just slow myself down and talk it out?

(Old habit of not wanting to know the real reason for the anxiety. Will have to work on that.)

Would I have died if I showed up at the gym and other people saw me?

(No. Definitely not.)

So, one of my deep digs is going to be facing what my brain thinks is a big fear, and trying to talk myself through the situation.

(If I can, because sometimes the anxiety wins, but I will try my hardest.)

So, some notes will be going up to remind myself that I am worth the time it takes.

I will set up a reminder system in my phone of my weekly “outside of the house” plan.

I will dig deep to find the fear behind the anxiety.